REVIEW | The Vow (2012)

The movie is absolutely heartbreaking. Not the story-- but the fact that when Valentine's Day rolled in, poor gooey-eyed females eager for some silver-screen romance trekked to the cinemas and paid for this movie only to have received a pseudo-story. 

Based on true events, The Vow's premise is a tragically beautiful love story; but, unfortunately, the story was translated into a movie tragically.

Paige (Rachel McAdams), in one snowy evening, removed her seatbelt and leaned over to kiss her husband, Leo (Channing Tatum). Out of the blue, a truck perfectly rearended their car, sending her through the windshield and into a coma. When Paige wakes up, five years' worth of memory--which includes her entire married life and relationship with Leo--are lost. Her amnesia reverts her back to her juvenile law school days, like a spoiled sorority girl, and back to the arms of her snobby parents (Sam Neill and Jessica Lange) and her old yuppy boyfriend Jeremy (Scott Speedman).  Leo is devastated and helplessly tries to win her back by showing his pectoral muscles-- because Paige not only looks at him like a stranger but her brains also seem to have eliminated her manners and sense of consideration for other people, most especially to the sad-eyed stranger telling her that he's her legal husband.

Come on, Paige, notice my pectoral muscles!

The Vow, directed by Michael Sucsy, fails to elicit the appropriate emotions from a supposedly tragic love story. The couple has zero percent chemistry, and Tatum looks utterly dull and sounds even more dull, which brings back to mind Moose of the Archie comic series-- except Tatum is brunette and is all bohemian with his straw hat.  Rachel McAdams is effective as an irritating beatch, but she makes too much cutesy faces and beautiful eyes,which would have been actually cute if it weren't for her glop of bad hair.

The movie, narrated dully by a monotonous Tatum, has a screenplay with painfully shallow and banal lines that feel like that they were written by high school-- lazy high school students for a school project. Did I miss the old Paige and felt Leo's yearning for her? No. Did I feel that they were head over heels in love before the accident? No. Did my heart melt when Leo tried to win her back? No. Did I find it butterflies-in-the-stomach romantic when they were having a marvelous time on their post-amnesia date, intoxicated with happiness while popping various flavors of chocolates in their mouth (could be rigged with weed), or when they skinny dipped just so Leo could seduce her with his pectoral muscles? No! Did I find myself caring for the characters? Hell no! Did I become annoyed with Rachel McAdam's old personality? Check!

The Vow, with  poorly written conflicts and shallow lines, wasted such a good idea for a drama love story. Did it urge me to research about the real couple whose story inspired this movie? Nope! After watching the movie, I just felt like exercising and toning my stomach to eliminate my muffin tops.

1 out of 5 stars